Ladies' Man
by OHBrie
Summary: Tony was many things: A Genius, a Billionaire, a Playboy, a Philanthropist, and a Superhero. He knew many things too: Mechanics, Weapons, Alcohol, Women and the Best Ways to Blow Stuff Up. Thor's Hammer, Mjolnir, was both a woman and a weapon.
1. Chapter 1: Mjolnir

Tony Stark was many things: A Genius, a Billionaire, a Playboy, a Philanthropist, and a Superhero.

He knew many things too: Mechanics, Weapons, Alcohol, Women and the Best Ways to Blow Stuff Up.

Admittedly he knew how to charm women rather truly understand them but who really truly understood women? He doubted even women understood women.

Thor's Hammer, Mjolnir, was both a woman and a weapon. Rather unwittingly she found herself falling for the Man of Iron's strange charm.

She guessed it spawned from the fact he referred to her as a woman from the go rather than having to be told such. He recognised her femininity. She preened over the fact he could tell that she was a woman and refer to her as such even though the others saw her as a non-entity.

Thor's Star Friend gave him an odd look when he referred to her as a she rather than an 'it' but that merely explained the other's clear lack of understanding women. The Man of Iron however recognised her as the powerful woman she was and treated her with the respect she deserved.

She had a sneaking suspicion that the Man of Iron had a thing for powerful women considering the women he surrounded himself with, especially the freckled red-haired CEO he was enamoured with. It explained the lack of respect he had for his own sex. Mjolnir liked this mortal, she knew she should not but his eyes held such tenderness and awe when he gazed upon her. Rather than want to use her like so many beings did he wanted to _understand_ her and she was flattered.

She saw the way this Man of Iron treated his creations with respect and love. None of the other mortals seemed to understand this and passed it off as a 'quirk' or the fact the other coped better with machines than ' _real people_ ', she however saw it as something amazing. She was often overlooked as a mere tool but she was much more than that and she felt that the Man of Iron understood that.

Maybe that was why she let him hold her, just that once, he was too tired to truly remember it anyway. He had needed a hammer for some work on his suit and so she came. Perhaps she was taking advantage of his state but she could feel the extent of his _want_ and _need_ for her that she came willingly. Many people wanted her, not so many people needed her, let alone both.

It was a somewhat ridiculous thought that she who could tear down walls could be used for tinkering or making something. It was merely a matter of intent and it would be nice for a change to be used for something rather than smashing things. She was a warrior but one can become tired of destruction. The Man of Iron looked at her in disbelief as she collected herself in his very capable hands nearly trembling in anticipation. She knew what he could do with those hands, seen him so many times making or taking things about and remaking them as he pleased. He hadn't expected her, but she did his best not to drag him down with her as she flew into his hand. She had to remember he was a mere mortal and so was delicate.

"I must be hallucinating. How long have I've been awake, JARVIS?" He murmured to himself but also to his invisible servant. His grip was pleasant and was not too tight around her; he was almost tender as he took her into both of his hands. She preened under his intense attention that focused entirely on her.

"56 hours, Sir." The disembodied voice came from the very air. Mjolnir always felt somewhat jealous of the voice for she had none but yet this one who had no form had one which he could talk to the Man of Iron with. Said man nodded as if this made her presence now make sense.

"As flattered as I am at your appearance, even though I very well may be imagining this, no offense but I fear you may be too powerful for my suit." How could she be offended when he called her powerful with that awed glint in his eye and almost worshipful tone upon his lips? She shivered in his hands attempting to get through to him that she could be gentle for him, with him and his suit. Perhaps it was sleep-addled mind that helped her get across to him or perhaps he was just special but he understood her.

A small part of her hoped that he was special.

"You don't mind?" His voice was slightly slurred from lack of rest but there was a thrill that ran through her, he was asking her for consent whereas most just took or expected. Even Dear Thor whom she loved dearly just expected. If she could she would have blushed most prettily for this man. She emitted her expressive delight for him to use her. Again he understood and she was thrilled.

Maybe this mortal was special.

Then he used her with a gentleness she had not once felt before like she was delicate and precious, his clutch upon her leather felt perfect and she _made_. She created and fixed rather than destroyed and she loved it.

Once they had finished, the Man of Iron and her both gazed upon their creation with prideful eyes, who would have thought that the Merchant of Death and a weapon that summoned lightening could have made something so wonderful. She felt like a proud parent rather than a bringer of death and destruction and she thanked the man inwardly.

"Thank you, I've never had a woman's hand in _this_ before." He did not need to expand on what 'this' was, she understood him. "Pepper's head is in the business side of things rather than the practical side of things, as amazing as she is; don't tell her this, but... " He was babbling, her sweet Man of Iron often seemed to do so. It endeared him to her further especially coupled with the fact he was thanking her whilst referring to her again as a woman, another being rather than just a hammer.

He needed to sleep now though, he had when she had first come to him but she had been selfish and had wanted him to use her. And used her he had in the most delightful of ways, but now he really had to sleep despite the fact she did not want him to as she knew she would have to leave once he did.

Sadly the tiredness was evident in every inch of him aside from perhaps those hands that still held her with a confident, comforting strength. Who would have thought man that reeked exhaustion from every pore could have such steady hands? She knew he should not remain awake so she emitted her will for him to sleep so he may remain strong and sane in the light of the new day. She understood that lack of sleep clouded one's judgement. She would hate to see it affect him in a battle and for him to be hurt because of it.

With some struggle he eventually did fall asleep. She watched over him to fight away those night terrors that plagued him, the very reason that he fought sleep in the first place, before she left back to her perch by the snoring God's bed.

She saw the Man of Iron in the morning; she was most pleased to see him look well. It looked like he had almost a full night's sleep (for once) with no night terrors to plague him; after all she made sure they wouldn't. He did admit to Thor that he had a strange dream of her though, whereas he wielded her and she was the best hammer he ever had.

She was rather smug in the knowledge that this was no dream.

Thor laughed that loud guffaw that rumbled like thunder that she fondly felt no-one else could laugh like that. "Friend, you may try lift her if you must but try not to be too disappointed." Mjolnir shuddered lightly at the thought of the Man of Iron's palms back on her and tried to hide her excitement.

The Man of Iron looked at her longingly before he approached her and slid his hand around her handle gently. She felt so light and bubbly at him treating her as such that she forgot for a moment that he wasn't really deemed worthy. He managed perhaps a few inches before Thor's amused glance brought her back to reality and she dropped her weight so suddenly that she pulled the mortal down with her and he nearly lost his balance. She felt sheepish at that, just a little less control she may have dragged both herself and him both through the floor.

"You _tease!"_ He muttered accusingly looking at her so intently and she radiated pure amusement at his reaction. Almost as if he was still in tune with her, he smiled at her so charmingly.

"Man of Iron, if you cannot lift her in your suit why did you think you could out of it?" Thor bellowed laughter creasing up his eyes. He gave her a knowing look as if he knew better, if she had been keeping crush to herself before now it was impossible to keep it from Thor.

"Name's still Tony. I didn't really but I just had this feeling that perhaps she would let me even if I wasn't worthy of the power of Grayskull." Perhaps she might struggle with keeping her crush from the Man of Iron... Tony.

"Grayskull?" Thor voiced her own question.

"Doesn't matter, big fellow."


	2. Chapter 2: Further Fun with Mjolnir

**A short, silly and nonsense-filled peek of what might happen later down the line with Mjolnir and Tony.**

Well he was screwed. And not in the nice way either. Or course a battle _had_ to happen when he was quickly popping out for doughnuts and separated from his suit. And his team. He was not even one-hundred percent sure what these creatures were but they were _ugly_. Sure his suit would arrive. Eventually. But he could not guarantee his own or others safety without the high chance of being squished.

As he called for his suit and willed for some divine being to just help him out a little, or at least let him finish his doughnut before any impromptu invasion of the uglies. They looked like the kind of translucent blind squishy things you find in caves mixed with a case of Rodents of Unusual Size.

He looked longingly at his doughnuts before taking charge of the evacuation, civvies sadly that to come before doughnuts. Never mind he was technically a civilian, especially without his suit.

He had managed to get the majority of the panicking civilians into some sort of safety when one of the uglies decided to take it upon itself that Tony Stark made an excellent meal. He was not sure whether the thought of just touching one was more off-putting than actually being eaten.

He could just see his suit in the far distance. ' _Come on'_ he willed.

But something reached him first. Or rather she did.

Mjolnir smashed into his hand long before an replusor could. He was an inventor and he was going to use what he could to smash the thing before it ate him, or worse, touched him and was cold and clammy.

"Hammer time!" He declared, as he was Tony Stark and what was Tony Stark if not inappropriately timed references. Then, as to quote the Hulk, he _smashed._

"Oh bae, you came to rescue me." He murmured to Mjolnir before continuing with a wicked grin just full out swinging at the things. He could see why Thor and the Hulk enjoyed hitting things so much.

The suit snapped on around him and one awkward replusor hovered seemingly uncertain what to do with the hammer taking its place.

By the time his absolutely _slow_ team arrived he had already struck down most of them.

"Seriously guys? I'm demoting all of you. Mjolnir, you are now promoted and their bosses. Cap, seeing as I am completely generous, your shield may be promoted as well as I'm all for equal rights."

They all gave him that look which meant they probably thought he was crazy. Whatever, he was used to it.

"Whilst I'm promoting and firing how about an insect and arachnid related subgroup of the Avengers? Picture this, the Wasp, Ant-man, Spider-man, Spider-woman and the Black Widow. I'm sure there is hundreds of other bug superheroes just waiting to be in a special club just for them!"


	3. Chapter 3: The Cloak of Levitation

"Is anyone else disturbed by this?" Steven Rogers stated eying up Thor's hammer, Mjolnir (the ultimate test of worth and granter of control of lighting and other such stuff) practically purring in Tony Stark's grasp. A Tony Stark which, for lack of a better term, sweet talking the hammer as if it was the greatest gal he had ever came across. But it was just a hammer with a few tricks, a tool.

"A little. I don't want to see what the walls will look like when he attempts to put a nail in. Mjolnir smash puny wall." Banner replied, sure it was nice and all that he could make Hulk jokes now but he was not seeming quite as phased as he should. No one did. Then again two of them were agents who would have training in the matter.

"He's wielding a weapon of mass destruction. Tony Stark with the power of Thor. He's not enhanced could he even handle it?" Steve practically pleaded for someone else to be disturbed with him.

"The electric current could disrupt the one keeping the shrapnel from his heart." Natasha mused. Why didn't they get it? This was not concern for Tony, this was concern for them. For the world. Maybe a little for Tony in concerns for his unhealthy attraction to an inanimate object.

"He's almost making out with the Hammer right there." Steve said in distress.

Thor all but laughed. "Mjolnir can handle herself, although I could have the shield talk with Anthony."

"Shovel talk, big guy. No need, Pepper can sort him out." Clint snorted.

Why didn't anyone understand!

* * *

"Doctor Strange." The well groomed man greeted. The cloak could feel the satisfaction of being referred to as doctor run through Strange. Strange had earned his doctorates and his title. Strange had taken his updated version of the Hippocratic Oath and still believed in it, he was still a doctor.

"Nice cape. Extra swooshy, I like the way it moves without wind. Very impressive, sets off your ensemble nicely. The upturned collar does not make you look like a wannabe vampire at all." Anthony Edward Stark smiled, it was a lopsided smile that twisted up the side of mouth closest to them, as he turned his focus away from his worktable.

The moment the cloak was in the presence of Anthony Edward Stark, they were enamoured. He was beautiful. Aside from being stunning, was there anything else he did for a living? He gave off an air of confidence in every movement as if he knew what he was doing and done it in a manner so precise and with a deliberate slowness that had everyone hanging on what he was saying. If the cloak was honest with themselves, they may have a type.

The cloak liked a bit of arrogance, but was it really arrogance when it was so well earned? The cloak liked dark hair and well groomed facial hair, the cloak was a sucker for facial hair and snark. Both Stark and Strange, their darling Stephen, were painfully stubborn at times. They could see all the similarities between Stark and Strange easily. However the cloak also liked different things about Stark and Strange.

The cloak admired Stark and how Stark treated his robots like they were people, and so they became people. Stark had his own brand of magic which helped weave loyalty and adoration from his creations. He put a little bit of himself into everything he did and the cloak found that they loved him for it.

The cloak had the bad habit of falling in love too quickly, they had high standards which was why the Ancient One had described them as 'a fickle thing'. They knew what they liked. It was not an easy feat to capture their attention but once someone did they found that they just fell in love far too quickly. They had not expected to find two stunning men who ticked all their boxes. You wait centuries for one and then two came along at once. It seemed just to be the way the world worked.

As darling Stephen approached Stark beginning a conversation, the cloak could help but reach out and touch the man. It was thrilling as neither Stephen nor Stark did not quite seem to realise at first so the cloak grew bolder and slowly caressed up and down Stark's upper arm with his surprisingly thick and delightful arm muscles. That's when Stark noticed.

"Is it me or is your cape very touchy?" The cloak redrew suddenly and sheepishly when Stephen shot it a look of bewilderment and disappointment, with just the hint of amusement.

The cloak felt well and truly scolded. They had been far too forward again, they really needed to ease up. So they took the slower approach to allow Anthony to become used to them. The cloak liked to refer to Stark as Anthony. It just felt so intimate. It made the cloak tremble in delight.

It took what seemed like an eternity, but was in reality only a week at most, gradually the cloak had managed to shuffle off Stephen and wrap themself around Anthony in their version of a hug. Content that the man allowed it.

The cloak supposed they had been unfair to Stephen as they all but pined over Anthony when he wasn't there and focused all their efforts on him when he was there.

Stephen was understanding though and the cloak rewarded him with hugs and rubbing themself against Stephen's cheeks. Stephen huffed and complained good naturally at the cloak's affections.

Stephen and Anthony were interacting face to face regularly, the cloak figured that the fault lied with them. The cloak was always so eager that they all but dragged Stephen to see Anthony opposed to allowing them to contact each other using other means.

The cloak did not know what they would do once Anthony and Stephen solved whatever they were working on together.

* * *

Tony Stark almost choked. When JARVIS had alerted him to some messages he should see, he had expected something to do with Avenger business but not this. This was not what he expected to see.

It was a series of messages that all had one thing in common, they were cheesy pick up lines. All that he traced back to Stephen Strange's phone.

There were old cheesy ones such as 'I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art.'

'Are you Sorcerer Supreme? As you're making my heart do tricks.' He thought that one was particularly inspired, but he also enjoyed the 'Are you full of Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium? Because you are Be-Au-Ti-ful.'

Overall he was not quite sure what to think about it all. It did not seem a thing that Strange would do; he had not shown any interest in that way. Either he had gotten drunk or was texting the wrong number, or it wasn't Strange who was texting. There was a whole string of them and amused he read them drinking his coffee.

He did choke and ended up spitting some of his coffee out when he read 'Are you Iron Man? As you make me Iron Hard, Man.' He had not heard that one before but he was totally adapting it onto a t-shirt.

"Hey JARVIS, give Strange a call will you?"

* * *

"You must be Sorcerer Supreme, because you're doing magic to my pants." Doctor Strange read out loud, he responded with a raised eyebrow and tried to ignore the red travelling up his nose in embarrassment. "Is this your idea of a proposition Stark?"

"Whoops, wrong screen. That's the edited version for a t-shirt design; I adapted the original text message. No this is the text from your phone." Tony stated switching the images with a swish of his fingers. His own brand of magic.

"This version is actually quite sweet and you changed it, why?" Stephen mused before jolting a little. "Wait... did you say my phone?"

"Anything you want to tell me?" Tony grinned so utterly amused. "Either you got drunk or someone got at your phone. You should see the rest of them." There was a reason the cloak was red.

* * *

If the cloak had lips to bite, they would have bit them at the sight presented. What delightfully tight jeans.

The cloak reached round and pinched Anthony's rear causing a yelp, Anthony spun and sent a raised eyebrow at Stephen. "Well I'm flattered but what would Mjolnir think?"

Stephen flushed and glowered at the cloak who pretended to be so very innocent and saintly. Stephen knew better however.

"It was my cloak." Stephen said simply, Tony raised his arched brow further before laughing.

"Well that solves the great big mystery of who sent the text messages. Hey Stevie boy, would you be so put out if I took your cloak  
for a nice little discussion."

* * *

Mjolnir was beautiful, a vision. The Cloak of Levitation was saddened as how could they compete with such a lady and powerful presence.

They visibly drooped.

* * *

Steve Rogers figured he had gotten used to the strangeness of the new century by now. And of the oddness of Tony Stark. Most things did not surprise him anymore but he knew he was wrong when he saw a candlelit dinner, practically every cliché in use from the roses in a vase, the nicely set table and the dimmed lighting.

The odd thing was the fact there were three places set out and what was on each placemat. One was the standard spaghetti and meatballs, the other two had oil the kind you use for tools and fabric softener. At the table was Tony Stark who was lovingly being fed by what looked like Doctor Strange's cloak, whilst Mjolnir was practically in his lap as opposed to her seat.

Steve decided to turn around and pretend he never saw that.


End file.
